I have been told by my friends that I am a very positive person, and that my energy and spirit are infectious. I find that I am this way most of the time, but I am also human.
I had a crappy day today. I stayed off my feet most of last week, and have been trying to this week as well, but it's really not working out quite like I hoped. As a result, I have been in pain today. It's not the kind of pain that is so bad I need medication. It is the kind that makes me feel like I am not healing, because if I was, I wouldn't feel like I do. I mean, Adam carried me to the car twice Saturday night to help me stay off of my feet! I can only stay so sedentary for so long! Getting up to go to the kitchen for something, driving to the store, all of these bothered me today. I have an appointment tomorrow that I don't even want to go to because it's a 25 minute drive. I was going to swim again this week, but decided not to because I just want to stay home and heal.
It is so hard to stay positive when I'm out of a routine and not getting any exercise. It all snowballs when you add to al of this my deep down fear of gaining weight and getting out of shape. I know a lot of you are going to tell me I am crazy, that I haven't gained a pound, and that I'm not going to gain a pound. Y'all, I just want to remind you, I am an all or nothing kind of person. When I eat a handful of chocolate chips, I end up losing control and eating half of a bag! All of this time, I have felt like I've been just holding on to a preferred weight. I am scared that I'm going tho gradually gain now that I haven't been working out for a week and a half, and it's going to catch up to me.
I never want to go back to the old me….
That's the last thing I need on top of everything else. It seems like it's not that big of a deal, and compared to some of the issues going on in the world, it's really not. For me, though, it's my life, and I feel like I have no control over anything. I hate this feeling. It's just really easy to loose hope when the pain is there. The different issues always end up snowballing so fast when just one little thing goes wrong.
I know I am a long way from being healed. I just don't know if I could be doing anything else to help my situation get better.
I'm sure I'll have much better days soon….today, though, that's how I am feeling. This blog is a place for me to share my life with you guys. Most of the time the news is good, so just bear with me this time, ok? I would love to hear from other people that have gone through similar situations. How did you deal with feelings Iike this? How long we're you down and out? (New to Pugmamastace? Click here to see details about my injury) Thanks for putting up with my venting :-).
On a positive note, STYTCD was SO good tonight! I can't wait for the final next week!